Poem:  My Name is Patrick

When 

I was Born

Existence of

I Am

Began with 

A Loud Cry 

Desperate for

Help

I Did Not

Know

@The Time

The Cry 

Would Last

A Life-Time

@A Dis-Advantage

Born as

A Dis-Abled-Boy

Rejected by

A Father

Un-Able to

Tolerate

My Flaws

All Sorts of

Imperfections

@A High Cost

In-Shame

Abandoned

The Only Progeny

Reflection

Staring Him

IN

The Face

Begging to

Face

My Poor-Mother

A Saint

Stuck-Around

Lingered

IN

Agony

Nurtured

The Best She 

Knew ‘How’

ON

Birth-Certificate

Certified &

Patrick

Put-Down

Safety

Un-Known

A Commodity

Afforded Towards

Others

Witness to

Violence

A Norm

Normalized

Rejected by

Birth-Father &

IN-Abuse

Accepted by

The One

I Call

Father

WithIN

Dis-Connected Parts

Dis-Associated Moments

Sporadic Memory Moments

Extensive Library of

Records

Remains

Despite

The Efforts to

Forget

Un-Known to

Others

I 

Remain

Stuck &

Immobilized by

Paralysis of

Past-Pain

Watching

IN-Horror

Vivid 

View With-IN

The Viewing Roof of

My 

Broken-Brain

A Photo-Play

Playing

The Past-Pain(s)

ON

Re-Play

I Have

A Front-Row Seat

Un-Abstracted View

Watching &

Witnessing

My Mother’s

Repeated

Beaten &

Recurring

Rapes

ON

Re-Repeat &

Re-Play

ON

Spectrum

Living

A Life

Lingering 

WithIn

Profound

Confession

Un-Able to

Differentiate 

The Differences

Clearly

Comprehended by

Others as

Polarized Perspectives of

Proportional

Duality

Un-Able to

Integrate

The Knowing

Deconstructing

Contradictions 

Continue to

Habituate

WithIN

Confines of 

My Mind

Love & Abuse

Pleasure & Pain

Rejection & Projection

Intimacy & Alienation

Love & Sex

Choice & Neediness

Reaction & Response

Gifting & Taking

Attention & Care

Blurred -Boundaries

Build

A Blurred-Vision

Burdening

The Birth-Purpose &

Existence

Existing but

Mis-Guided by

Guided-Lies

Mis-Understanding

Felt-Feelings &

Feelings of Others

Complex

Complexities of

Feelings

Gaging 

The Weight of Worth

ON

A Broken-Scale of

Truths

Rejection & Embrace

Acceptance & Disconnect 

Dislike & Dissociation 

Implicit Consent of

Un-Vocalized with

Expected &

Explicit 

“NO” Sounds

Permission &

Need to 

Feel Safe &

Appease

Peace

Preferred Stat of

Peace

Favourable 

Deception of

Deceits-

Believed

Sadly,

Despite

The Horror of

The Past

Terrors which

Traumatized

Absurd Abuse

Felt (as if)

I 

Received

Love

I Am

A Gay

Autistic Man

IN-Transition

Mid-Point Pointing

My Existence

IN

Life

Baffled by

Relationships 

Remain

I Am

An Artist

Under-Stated

Under

The Weight of

Imposed 

Self-Thoughts

Still

Searching for

Love

IN

Un-Kindness

Heart-Filled with

Desire to 

Deserve &

Realize

A Glimpse of

Happiness

I Am

A Man with

Vibrant

Red Hair

Hiding 

Self

Beneath 

The Layers of

Fear &

Facial Hair

Checking

The Mirror for

My Reflection

I  (Hope) to See

A Woman with

Vibrant-Red-Long Hair &

A Brilliant

Smile to

Light-Up

MY-Way

Though…

Even 

The Reflection

IN

The Reflective-Mirror

Lies

My Name is Patrick

Impulsively

Reaching Others

Offering 

The Only-Offering 

I Know

The Offering of

My Artistic Ways

Suggesting

I Am Able to

Sketch

Drawing Black-Lines

ON

White-Background

The ONLY

Language which

Does Make

Sense

The Language of Love

I Understant &

I Am Able to

Express

Allow Me to

Confess …

Seeing

The Beauty of Others

Shields & Deflects

The Vulnerable 

Parts 

IN-Side

UnAble to

See

The Beauty 

WithIN

MySelf

My Name is Patrick

Though

You Can

Call

Me…

Ariel

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